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March 5, 2014∞ 0 notes
March 4, 2014∞ 2 notes
OurPlace Out Loud: 166
Getting in Trouble at School
They Like Each Other. Now What?
Her Whole Family Hates Her
Asking a Girl To Prom in Style
the new OPOL hat!
March 3, 2014∞
The piano plays Merckx (at Hotel Santa Barbara)
Lessons from Our Place
I host a safe and friendly teen social network called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community and to me. What topics are on the minds of today’s kids? Here are this week’s top five questions:
I’m 16, a girl, and had never had a boyfriend. I’ve only liked two guys my entire life, and it’s been this way since elementary school, but most importantly I’ve never liked girls before. But, I have this girl instructor, and my feelings toward her are kind of confusing. she’s very average, and yet I think she is amazing, and I can’t wait to see her every week and she’s extremely talented and beautiful. I could just be mistaking my feelings of respect for affection. I’m just very confused, could you give me some direction?
You are correct. You could be mistaking your respect for affection. How very articulate. If you have had serious crushes on guys, even if it’s just two of them, your entire life, and you now have a little thing for this particular female, that could very well be a girl crush.
If you speak to most straight women, they will tell you that they have had them. And isn’t the world a more interesting place if we can get excited about all of the different people who enter our lives? It does not need to be anything potentially romantic. It’s just that this particular individual, male, female or whatever gender, enters your your life and makes your heart flutter. That’s pretty cool.
Does it mean you are a lesbian or you are bi? Maybe. Maybe not. But let’s not worry about that. I know that we all hate confusion and we want to be able to identify every feeling but what if you knew that you couldn’t? Would you allow yourself to stop trying?
There are attributes possessed by this woman which you deeply admire. What are they? And which of them do you hope to emulate?
Crushes are often meant to drive us forward. I have had crushes that I knew were fueling me. I knew that nothing romantic was coming. I was simply being charged and energized to do something far bigger than the crush. That is the power of human interaction. Every crush does not lead to romance and does not lead to you re-assigning your sexual preference. You can ask yourself what this crush is here to teach but you mustn’t allow it to alarm or overly confuse you. Just let it inspire you.
There’s this guy that has a crush on me at school. I have a huge crush on him, too. But here’s the thing, we’re both extremely shy and scared to talk to each other. We’re in the same classes and sit next to each other by chance in science, and every day I think, “Today’s the day, I’m going to ask him out.” But then I walk into the classroom, see him, and get so nervous that I chicken out. Do you have any tips on how I can interact with him?
Don’t worry about asking him out. Just concentrate on talking to him until you can talk to him without fear.
Kids often feel an urgency to rush from liking somebody to dating somebody. That is not how it is supposed to work. When you push yourself to go that route, you can easily find yourself dating somebody that you have no idea how to communicate with.
Long before you are dating, you need to be talking. So, take this slowly. The kid sits right next to you. Goal Number One: Look over at him tomorrow and say, “Hey, how’s your day going?”
I feel like everything I do to make my mom proud and happy just makes her sad. I try to make her smile and I just end up crying. The past five days I’ve ended up crying myself to sleep. I love my mom so much and I feel like I can’t make her proud and happy. I feel useless.
You may just be having a bad week. Not everything we do gets appreciated by others. I understand that if it’s your mom who is displeased, it becomes especially deflating.
But continue to do things which please YOU and make you feel like a great person. Your mom is going through her own stuff, some of which you are not meant to understand right now or maybe ever.
When you and your mom are having a good day together, you can say, “I want so much to make you proud and happy. Am I doing that?” This will give her an opportunity to reassure you.
If she is still unable to do that, then you are going to need to comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are trying and that this woman may very sadly be impossible to please.
So there was this movie in my tv’s recordings that I assumed was some kind of pornographic movie. I’m not allowed to look at that kind of stuff so not wanting to get into trouble I told my mom about it and she got all worked up and started pushing me around and she grabbed my hair and threw me on the floor screaming at me. I didn’t know what I did wrong and she was flipping out. She told me I was being an a**. I have a headache and my arm is bruised. Honestly, can you tell me where I went wrong because I honestly don’t see it?
You have done nothing wrong. Does your mother have a history of behaving violently towards you? In this particular case, she was probably reacting to her having been caught by you with pornography. She did not know how to explain herself and so she flipped.
This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. If she had simply said, “Oh, Honey, that is grown up stuff and it’s not meant to be on this DVR. I’m so sorry,” you would have been weirded out but not abused.
The way your mother handled this is COMPLETELY out of line, even if she thought it was you who had recorded the porn. Let things calm down in your home and then ask your mom if she can help you understand what you did wrong.
If your mother often becomes violent, call Child Protective Services. She needs help with her parenting and her anger management.
So there is this kid named Sean and we went to the same school last year and we connected soo well we were like always together even when some of the other boys wouldn’t let me play football ( even though I don’t like it I was trying to be cute ) he is the only one who would let me play but any ways we don’t go to the same school any more and today I just felt him present. Even in my math test I said his name and some of my other friends told me he liked me, and so one day I called him and I said it was me and he said AND. I don’t no if I should call him again or what. Oh and the last time I called him was like 3 weeks ago !!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you saying that you called him one day and his response was, “AND?” If so, don’t call him again. That is rude.
If you are meant to run into him again one day and have a real connection, you will. But he has a lot of growing up to do first. Just because we find ourselves thinking of somebody, does not mean that we need that person back in our lives. It’s just our brain working through some stuff.
Who else is going to make your heart go pitter pat but be polite to you when you speak with him? That’s the guy you are looking to find.
February 27, 2014∞
Me, Jackie Kashian, Oranges. All good things. Listen to The Dork Forrest. It’s the best podcast since Our Place Out Loud.
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February 26, 2014∞ 0 notes
February 25, 2014∞ 0 notes
OurPlace Out Loud: 165
Are models too thin?
The one where Kiemute brings his cello to OPOL .